Without further ado, here is Oliver’s annual interview, conducted just days after he turned six.
What makes you really happy? Um, bunnies! Because they sing show tunes. Also, Legos make me really happy because you can build stuff.
What makes you sad? It makes me sad when Malcolm won’t let me use my imagination when we are playing together. I also get sad when people hurt my feelings, like at track practice when that kid was annoying me and hurting my feelings.
Are you scared of anything? I’m scared of boogers, because they’re slimy! I don’t like mosquitos. I’m not afraid of them, but I just freak out when I see them.
If you could have any pet in the world, what would you choose? Hmmm. A mummy, because they’re zombies. (I then suggested he choose a “real” pet, to which he replied, “I would like a pirate dog or maybe a chihuala, which is a type of small dog, mommy. I would also like a pet sea turtle, and it would live right here. I would get a sea tank and put it right in.)
What do you like about being a kid? I like to use my hot glue gun a lot and have fun.
What do you want to be when you grow up? I would like to be a Lego Mixel, and then I would jump around in Legos for my job. Actually, I never will know what I want to be when I grow up. What were you, mommy, when you grew up? (I’m still working on that one, boy.)
What comes to mind when I say magic? I think of bunnies singing show tunes. Also, farts are pretty magical.
Now that you’re six, is there any big kid thing you would like to do? Yes! I would like to have my own car and drive it around. First stop, the zoo. Then I would drive everywhere, all around the world, and even on your boobies. Also, I would like to go on the roof and make myself a club house up there and sit there all day and all night.
What’s your favorite color these days? Oh, I know this one. My favorite color is every color, and I don’t just mean every color of the rainbow, because rainbows don’t have gold or silver or pink or clear. I like those colors, too.
Can you tell me what love is? Why should I know what love is? I don’t know what love is. Maybe it is people kissing. I like you. I like Miles and Gio and Aksel, but I don’t love them. I only love you.
When is a person officially grown up? When they’re 25.
What makes a grown up a grown up? They work, they work, they work. Grown ups work on the computer, like daddy. Even you work, mommy. You work here. Daddy goes around commanding people to fart at work. He also punches himself in the face, which is how he got that cut on his chin. Daddy also plays online golf. (I have no idea where that one came from!)
What is the meaning of life? Life and death, mommy.
What is the best thing in the world? You, mommy! (I love six year olds.)
When do you feel most loved? What does that even mean? Well, I feel most loved when I’m around you, when you’re hugging me, because we are married. I’m only ever going to be married to you.
I love you, baby boy. May you always be silly and bright.
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